January 8, 2014:I feel like a loser when I look back at the moment when I almost committed suicide and gave up on life," begins actor Raja, who has since been counseling youngsters who are suicidal, and making them believe that there is more to life than they can imagine. Raja visited Uday's family after he heard about the latter's suicide. "It is difficult for actors to survive when your career is in a freefall... I know it is true. I have been through that, though I wouldn't say the two instances can be compared.
After having back-to-back hits, Uday faced a slide. However, it is not so much the slump that hurts, as much as the treatment you receive when you fail. People don't forget you, but start ignoring you, and that's the worst part. People don't even want to acknowledge your presence," says Raja.
Three years back, Raja had thoughts of ending his life when his film was not finding theatres. "I made the mistake of considering and believing that films were my life. I let it affect me too much. There was pressure to succeed, to be acknowledged and have friends in the industry. It took a toll on me and I had suicidal thoughts. I was too depressed, but fortunately, I had a support system in my family. I spoke to them about my thoughts and that is something that has played a big role in me not giving in to the temptation of ending my life. 'Am I not being selfish?' That question was the decisive factor. At least, that's what happened in my case. I was actually trying to play God and meet not just my own expectations but of others' too. And when you don't meet them, you think you are useless and want to give up. I told myself that there is more to life than just films, and I came out strong with the help of my parents' support and my spirituality," shares Raja.
The actor took a three-year break from movies after the incident. "Today, when I look back, I think it was cowardly, though it was just a thought I had in mind. If I had actually attempted suicide and by God's grace survived, I would not have been able to face anybody. Suicide is selfish, it is cowardly. I often ask myself, what was I thinking when I wanted to end my life. I would have missed what I enjoy today." And what the actor enjoys today is a "second lease of life". "I am glad, I pulled back from the brink.
Today, films are a part of my life, but not my life. I am engrossed in many other things like real estate, construction, spirituality, counseling — all these makes me feel content," says Raja,who made a comeback with Mr Nookayya. "I feel more welcome today in the industry. I am glad people have accepted me and I am currently shooting for a film. I believe when you give yourself a chance, life gives you a chance... Perhaps, Uday should have just stepped out of the house at that moment and spoken to somebody. That might have helped..."
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